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Between Morality “Lefe” And  “KAYAN DAKI”… A Tale Of Marriage In A Typical Hausa Society

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Abdul Aziz Idris Yusuf

 

 

 

By Abdulazeez Idris Yusuf

 

I saw this statement credited to Sheikh Bin Uthman making rounds on social media, where the Sheikh was quoted as saying “Lokaci yayi da ya kamata a soke lefe a Kasar Hausa” meaning, its high time the issue of pre-wedding gifts be struck out in the Hausa land (Forgive my translation).

 

 

Whether the Sheikh said so or not, I for one heard another scholar, Sheikh Yusuf Tijjani Guruntum complained bitterly about such practice which today has become a precondition for marriage without which a marriage may most likely not take place.

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This is without regards for how much the intending couple love one another or how long they’ve been together or even the signs of a happy and peaceful home they’re likely to have especially if we look at their overall predispositions on issues concerning morality, education, general behavioral patterns among others.

 

Another thing I would like to add to the issue is “kayan daki”, that is, the stuffs the lady takes along with her to the husband’s house which also has assumed a huge burden on many parents and a stumbling block for a successful marriage. The funniest thing is, non of these pieces of stuff has any religious backing. They are mere cultural impositions that have come to assume some levels of importance even over and above the religious imposed criteria for marriage.

 

The negative repercussions from these harmful cultural practices are dire and unimaginable especially if we look at the high rate of divorce, domestic violence, an exponential increase in the number of mature single youths (males/girls) who ideally should be married but are not and the numerous negative consequences arising thereof from their failure or inability to get married among others.

 

 

All this is because either the guy cannot afford “lefe” or the father of the lady can not afford “kayan daki”.

 

The funniest thing is, even where the man is able to provide these “lefe” of a thing, some parents or close family relations could be so mean to reject it on the accounts that either the stuff are too small, too local or old fashioned.

 

And where the guy is lucky and his lefe is accepted, what will be given to his own representatives in return, that is, those who took  the “lefe” to the families of the intending bride as “Tukwuici” which usually is a monetary gift in appreciation of the lefe  will be so low below what is expected and that is a signal that the “lefe” did not come as expected.

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On the other hand, the family of the groom are also not left out in this act of extortion and intimidation and this plays out after the marriage contract has been entered. The family of the groom also wash their hands and faces in anticipation of what their daughter-in-law will bring along with her and these range from her beddings, furniture, electronics, and in some cases, foodstuffs. Should all of these items be small in quantity or below the expected quality and or standard, the bride and her family also become a subject of mockery by her own in-laws and this sets the tune for some underground takes usually negative and harmful to her reputation.

To sum it all, marriage today in Hausa clans have been reduced to nothing short of a trade by barter of a business affair where either or both of the parties simply engage in to gain “profit” at the expense of the other.

 

Today, a failure or inability to especially provide “kayan lefe” has shattered the dreams of many would-be happy and promising couples and ladies are most of the time at the receiving end. This is so because, where the man is unable to fulfill “all righteousness”, the lady is either rushed, if she’s treated fairly, to bring another man to replace the “incapable one”, or in most cases forced to marry either a family relation or someone whom her parent so deemed fit for her and whom in most cases the lady has no feelings for. And the rewards for such ill-contracted marriages are usually infidelity from either of the parties for lack of love and affection for the other partner, domestic violence arising usually from insubordination, lack of trust, broken homes, mental health disorders, divorce, and in extreme cases deaths.

My questions in this regard have always been, where is our morality?

 

Do we prioritize material and short term gains over and above our happiness and that of our children?

What do we tell our Creator as parents when we finally meet with Him?

What is the way forward?

 

Abdulazeez Idris Yusuf

07/02/2021

(C) 2021

Opinion

The Fleetingness of Our Existence: The Death of Ajia Muhammad Kamil

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By AbdurRaheem Sa’ad Dembo

I had resumed to work on Monday 15th April, 2024 in Minna after Eid -L-Fitri celebration in Ilorin, when I received a call from one of my colleagues, who broke the news to me that Ajia Kamil had passed on. Innalillahi waina ilaihi rajiun.

The reality of death is scary as it will visit every soul in an unexpected time and manner. Ajia’s demise is a testament that death has nothing to do with age. He was a jolly good fellow. A straight forward young man. We joined National Examinations Council together in 2010.

If there’s anyone who reached out to me on issues concerning our organization I always referred them to Ajia at the Kwara state office in Ilorin.

He was very honest and would do his job diligently. Many of our staff attested to the fact that Ajia was an easy going person and hardworking

One remarkable thing about our relationship is that sometimes last year, he informed me of what he heard about me and upon telling him my own side of the story, he sincerely warned me to desist from any act that may jeopardize my integrity. I thanked him profusely, because he was very blunt with me. He would tell you the truth without looking at your face. That was the kind of human being he was. I never heard a report of him being in feud with anyone.

Another thing he did that I won’t let slip my mind in a hurry was when I missed promotion in 2023, the way he showed concern about it was overwhelming, loving and convincing. He was promoted but he would always call to admonish me not to brood over it. He was a finest gentleman.

The propensity of Ajia’s death hits us so hard, because we have never recorded any death amongst Ilorin Emirate NECO staff since 2010. May Allah forgive him and other departed souls within our organization and beyond.

The irony of death is, you may be forecasting and envisaging that you are still young while in the record of death you are old enough to be taken. That is the multidimensional mode of operation of death. I’m pretty sure that Ajia was not seeing death even in the next 30 years. Indeed, our existence on earth is fleeting.

As believers death will overtake us at the appointed time which is oblivion to our inclination and expectation. That is why we must do all we can to worship Allah, unite our family members and eschew bad deeds. I pray Allah forgives him, grant him aljannah firdaus and give his loved ones the fortitude to bear the loss.

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Opinion

Senate President Akpabio and Religious tolerance

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Senate President Godswill Akpabio

 

By AbdurRaheem Sa’ad Dembo

It is often said that one should not judge a book by its cover. You can only effectively describe a book after one might have gone through its content in what FR Leavis and Q.D Leavis referred to as the “beautifully woven fabrics of a text”

The Leavis are literary critics; they were husband and wife. Therefore,religious tolerance can’t be seen in abstract because it is a practical disposition. One can’t claim emphatically that he or she is religiously tolerant when his actions, transactions and interactions with neighbours, colleagues and friends are in conflict.

It is on this basis,I feel obliged and enticed to talk write about the recent religious tolerance exhibited by Senate President, Godswill Akpabio when he hosted both Muslims and Christians senators for Iftar on Monday,1st April,2024 in Abuja.As a leader you must work the talk.

In his remarks at the occasion, the Senate president opined that religion cannot divide us,”stressing that it was not a mere coincidence that the Christians Lenten and Muslim Ramadan periods came up again same time.He said despite the different religions, Muslims and Christians have one God.

Mr Akpabio congratulated his colleagues for breaking their fast with him and thanked the Almighty God for enabling them to witness the day alive.He sought for God’s protection and good health for all.

He explained that it was not a coincidence that God is merging the fasting of the Muslims and that of the Christian together.He stressed that it was not the first time the two faiths were observing their fasting the same time.

He stressed the need for them to continue to work together as brothers and sisters of the Almighty God, for the benefit of Nigeria.He asserted that for every human being there is a time to be born and there is a time to go.In his words ” no matter the turmoil,no matter the political disagreement,even families do disagree.But we must bear one thing in mind,that we are serving humanity through Almighty God and that one day,we shall leave this world to go and account for our deeds while we were on earth.I think that is the guiding principle.”

One may not be far from the truth if one opines that the Senate President, Godswill Akpabio was speaking like a clergyman through his admonition to co-senators that were present at the event.

The Deputy Senate President, Barau Jibrin,thanked Senate President on behalf of other senators for inviting them for Iftar.According to him “we are really grateful.The invitation is a demonstration of the care that you have for all Senators of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.We all know you as a very caring leader, someone who cares about the welfare of all Senators.”

He equally said the invitation has reinforced what they know about Senate President and linked it to Hausa adage that says”inviting you to come is more delicious than the food.”Senator Barau also said they were happy about the invitation, because it showed that the Senate president has them in mind.He prayed to Allah to continue to be their guide and support as they work with the Executive arm of government to face the challenges confronting the country.In his words “..we are going to change the challenges to prosperity”and that Nigeria would become a land of eldorado within a short time by the grace of God.

Religious tolerance is an integral part of National integration; no one can play down its benefit in the peaceful coexistence of Nigeria.So whenever I see a leader who have proven beyond reasonable doubt that he is religiously tolerant I appreciate the person,just like the way I’m doing it for the distinguished Senate President, Godswill Akpabio.Similarly, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu has also demonstrated the significant level of religious tolerance by hosting series of Iftar with several religious, political and business community leaders in the country during the holy month of Ramadan.

Interestingly, religious tolerance contributes to robust inter-personal relationships in a pluralistic society like ours.It broadens the society for opportunity in order for a nation to actualize her dream.It also abrogates suspicion among adherents of different faith and promote love.This is why I can’t look away without writing something about what Senator Akpabio has done recently.Even as a Governor of Akwa Ibom State for eight years, Akpabio had never been in a news for religious intolerance.This is a greatest feat to his personality and it will continue to resonate across the length and breadth of Nigeria.

Significantly ,I was joyous when I saw my political principal, Senator Saliu Mustapha, the Turaki of Ilorin Emirate sitting by the right hand side of Senate President during the Iftar in Abuja.Senator Mustapha is a top-notch politician when it comes to religious tolerance.He is from Muslim majority Kwara Central Senatorial district, yet he appointed a Christian as a legislative Aide recently.It is obvious that like minds work together.

In conclusion,no Nation can strive where religious tolerance is relegated to the background, therefore we must as leaders and followers imbibe the culture of inclusivity and religious tolerance for a more United and prosperous country.

abdurraheemsaaddembo@gmail.com
07037813177

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Opinion

The Cost of Incompetence in governance. A wake-up call to governors.

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By Yusuf Auwal Saleh Lulu

In the intricate dance of governance, the appointment of key officials holds the power to shape destinies and professional service. However, when political expediency trumps competence, the consequences can be dire. This seems to be the case of many appointments for chief executive officers even for critical professional organisations in the Heath, media and educational sector in most states in Nigeria. This appointment of incompetence tenure, embodies a stark lesson in the perils of appointing leaders devoid of expertise and integrity.

Handling the reins of authority with little regard for meritocracy, lead to character flaws that quickly come to the fore.
Most of these kinds of appointments are characterised by Selfishness, total incompetence to handle or administer professional tasks assigned and driven a voracious greed for personal enrichment, the ill-suited for the weighty responsibilities entrusted turns vaque and rather than stewarding the organization with wisdom and vision, they mostly embarked on a reckless pursuit of quick riches, heedless of the long-term repercussions.

Compounding their incompetence was a glaring lack of proficiency in the field they are appointed to oversee. With scant knowledge of the subject matter, they stumbled through unknown duties, leaving chaos and disarray in his wake.
Most of the organizations where these kinds of appointments are done, are those meant to be a beacon of hope, progress and some even a fighting tool under the government’s auspices, languished under these kind of misguided leadership.

Despite mounting evidence of their ineptitude, with lust most governors remained oblivious and lost to love shadows for their appointees and to the havoc wrought by these kinds of ill-conceived appointments. While some are Blinded or blindfolded to the damages inflicted upon the organization and the broader community.
Oftentimes, most governors turned a blind eye to the signs of impending disaster. Ignoring all signs with complacency shields these kinds of appointments, either from accountability point of view, to subject proficiency and capabilities, prolonging the suffering of those affected by the illusions of their mismanagement.

Yet, time is a relentless arbiter of truth. As the days pass and these kinds of stoothed leadership’s failures become increasingly apparent, the veil of deception woven by political expediency, will inevitably fray.
There will be a time that it will be too late to reverse these kinds of damage wrought by their misplaced trust with a lot of repercussions
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In the annals of governance, the cautionary tale of a selfish, impatient, and greedy leadership may serve as a poignant reminder of the imperative to uphold principles of meritocracy, professionalism, commitment and integrity in service.
For, in the absence of such virtues, the dreams of progress and prosperity risk being dashed upon the rocks of incompetence and folly.

Just because incompetence is elevated.

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